I Got Divorced 5 Years Ago: 10 Things I Wasn’t Prepared For (But Wish Someone Had Told Me)

Five years ago, I signed the papers that ended an 11-year marriage. It was amicable, mature, and respectful—but that didn’t make it easy. Divorce isn't just a legal event. It's an emotional unraveling, a financial reset, a spiritual shift. There’s no handbook for the grief, loneliness, or strange moments of peace that follow. If you're in the thick of it—or even years past it—here are ten things I wish someone had whispered to me when everything felt uncertain.

1. Divorce isn’t just an end. It’s the start of something, even if you don’t know what yet. Everyone talks about the loss. Fewer people talk about the blank canvas. At first, the “freedom” felt like free fall. But with time, that space became sacred.

2. You will grieve things that have no name. It's not just your partner. It's the future you imagined, the inside jokes, the rituals, the shared glances across the dinner table. There's a mourning for the invisible.

3. People will take sides—and some friendships won’t survive. Even in an amicable split, people project. Some don’t know how to hold space for your pain. Others silently disappear. It hurts—but you learn who’s really in your corner.

4. Money becomes emotional. Every dollar carried guilt, anger, or fear. I had to unlearn old patterns and relearn how to manage money with clarity, not resentment.

5. Your body will keep score. Sleep may vanish. Your appetite might change. Your anxiety might make a home in your chest. Give yourself grace—healing isn’t just in your head, it’s in your cells.

6. “Doing the work” isn’t optional if you want to grow. Therapy, journaling, silence, crying in parking lots—it all mattered. The pain didn’t kill me. Denying it might have.

7. Your ex doesn’t need to be your enemy to be your ex. It’s possible to honor what was while releasing what no longer serves. I didn’t need to villainize him to move forward—I just needed to choose myself.

8. You will question your worth. Even if you’re the one who left, divorce shakes your identity. Am I lovable? Am I too much? Not enough? These questions come, and with time, answers do too.

9. Joy feels suspicious at first. The first time I laughed—really laughed—I felt guilty, as if joy betrayed the grief. But, joy is part of the healing. It’s how you know you’re still alive.

10. You will not be the same—and that’s the gift. I thought I’d be “me again” one day. But she’s gone. In her place stands someone softer, stronger, and more awake. Divorce didn’t break me. It revealed me.

If you’re somewhere in the storm, please know you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re becoming. And on the other side—maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow—is a version of you that feels whole again. Maybe one even freer than you imagined.

If you've walked through divorce, what lessons did you learn that I didn’t mention? I’d love to hear. Your wisdom might be the lifeline someone else needs right now.